Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tragedy Strikes

Many of you are no doubt wondering about the reason for our hiatus, and the answer is, obviously, we here at NBCMS have been working through our shock and grief over the TV Chimp Slayings in Connecticut. We hesitate to add to the torrent of words and images revolving around this sad, sad affair, but it is incumbent upon ourselves to note that, had there been a system of monkey television shows in place for this isolated, troubled chimp, he would have had a safety net of friends, work, and possibly even artistic satisfaction, with which to keep the crazies at bay.
Something like this would have kept him busy:

For those readers of too tender an age, this would be a remake of the 80s helicopter-action thriller "Airwolf." It starred Ernest Borgnine, and will do so again.

Tagline: Only one ape's man enough to fly this thing.

KINGS UPDATE: According to what we've gleaned from commercials, NBC's latest folly stars Ian McShane grumbling about "his kingdom," which is apparently not metaphorical, but an actual place.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Time-Ape Continuum

Viewers, we hang our remotes in shame. Last Sunday night we neglected to watch NBC's latest barn-burner "XIII," starring the future governor of New Mexico and that guy who plays golf on his knees, despite our most earnest intentions. Why? Because the good people over at the C-Dub were showing Teen Wolf, that's why! Listen up, 30 Rock office-dwellers: the other guys are bringing out the big guns. You can't afford to trot out any old Roman-numeral caper you've got lying around anymore, savvy? You've got to "up your game" in the parlance of the competition show. And what better way to "outfox" the other guys than with this:

Silverback to the Future
A renegade scientist (Michael Cerveris), convinced that the cure for a worldwide plague epidemic lies in mankind's Neanderthal past, sends his most capable test subject–McFly, a silverback gorilla, carrying some Neanderthal genes–back to the prehistoric era. Now, the primate must blend in with his distant ancestors, while discovering the secret to the salvation (and, perhaps, the origin) of humanity. McFly must also contend with the leader of a vicious band of Homo Sapiens (Lance Henriksen), who has his own ideas about the course of evolution.

Tagline: Survival of the fittest just got a lot more complicated.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Name of the Ape

So if there's one thing the Super Bowl made abundantly clear, it's that NBC should give Bruce Springsteen and Little Stevie their own show–they certainly outshine Rosie O'Donnell when it comes to vaudeville pizazz, razzle-dazzle and even, dare we suggest, bejazzle.
Anyway, our pitch this time takes inspiration from the soon-to-be-concluded (this Sunday at 9, right?) religious swashbuckler "The Last Templar."

The Cross of the Capuchins
A rambunctious divinity student (Bret Harrison) discovers a secret order of Capuchin monks--consisting entirely of Capuchin monkeys--founded centuries ago by the animal-loving Franciscan order. Its mission: to protect religious secrets deemed too earth-shaking for human minds. But now the simian brothers and the lore they safeguard have been targeted by a shadowy religious organization with mysterious motives. It's up to Harrison to protect the holy primates from this new threat--and from a nosy Opus Dei priest (Colm Meany) intent on exposing the monkey monastery.

Tagline: The missing link must not be found.