Monday, April 6, 2009

Ape-ril is the Cruelest Monk

We're going to break rank for a bit, and talk about a show from an intellectually bankrupt network OTHER than NBC–the curiously successful folks over at CBS. Last week, in honor of April Fools' Day and a huge void in their weeknight lineup, the Eye ran show entitled "I Get That a Lot," which hit upon the savory ruse of employing semi-celebrities in menial jobs, who, when they're recognized by the hoi polloi–here's the kicker–DENY that they are in fact their desperate, attention-starved selves, vainly propping up their wounded egos at the expense of a gullible public.
One can only imagine the earth-shaking lunacy of encountering Jeff Probst bagging goods at the local greengrocer:

"Dude, you're on 'Survivor' or something!"
"I get that a lot!"
"No way!...Ah fuck it, just watch it with those cage-free eggs, all right, chief?"

Now there's one obvious way to increase the hilarity factor here: replace the celebrities with apes. (This is a rule that can be followed with pretty much everything.) When a baffled customer complains about the simian staff, the other employees would, of course, pretend that the ape is in fact a human being, who is most definitely not eating the bananas, smearing feces on the produce scale and trying on the adult diapers. THEN we'd have some compelling shenanigans.